My name is Paul, and I live in Boston, Massachusetts in the united states. I am 32 years old.
I was sexually abused several times at the age of 14 and 15 years old by a man that I had met in a chatroom. Another boy was also molested several times. I believe this boy testified against the predator, and caused the abuser to be deemed "Sexually dangerous, and committed to an institution. I want to have my say to let the world know what this guy did, and does to little boys. I wanted to stop meeting with this man so that I would not be abused anymore, but he blackmailed me for meeting him "One last time" by telling me if I did not meet him, he would put posters all over town and spread rumors about me.
Meeting him involved a drive 30 miles away to his house, or he would molest me in a parking lot while he was naked, and covered with a towel in his car. I was also penetrated. It was discovered that a guy named "Mike from Framingham" who my father has talked to on the phone a few times was arrested, and broadcasted on TV walking into the courtroom. This is how my father found out. My parents had no idea how to handle this, and I don't think I knew either.
I also self-injure by cutting. I have done this for as long as I can remember, usually in the form of picking scabs, and preventing the wound from healing. I also have a few secret places where I actually cut my skin, and I am able to treat the wound. The pain from the picking, or the cutting gave me a rush, and I usually have kept it hidden. I have started to come out to a few people about my cutting, but I am vague as to why. Everything in my life has been good, with the exception of the above skeleton that is still in my closet.
I decided to research a little about self-injury, and the causes. I have been doing this for about 15 years, about the same time as I was abused. Then I started thinking about the abuse more and more. Along with depression, locking myself in my room for weekends at a time, sleeping, and mood swings.
After 17 years of silence, I want to start talking about it. I also want it on record that he abused me so that the world knows he is a sexual predator who hurts kids. I have been tracking this guy online to find his whereabouts, so I know where he is. I am afraid he will send a letter to my house one day. The likelyhood of this is slim, but it is still in the back of my mind.
I went to BARCC (Boston Area Rape and Crisis center) where I openly discussed how I was abused. I called the district attorney's office, and they want to meet with me to discuss the abuse, and to advise if anything can be done about it. after two months I did not hear anything, and I had to call the ADA again to find out the status. The status was that the statute of limitations ran out, and that there was nothing that they can do. They told me this over the phone, instead of meeting in person. I have written to the chief of the child abuse unit a few weeks ago without a response yet. So frustrating! Comments ok, and thank you for listening
ŠPaul - February 5th 2008
Last updated 15th February 2008