I am writing this letter to share what I have been carrying around with me for two years. I used to work at a roadside restaurant in a small town with a population of approximately 1000 people. I had moved there with a boyfriend who I was engaged to when I was 18. Living in such a small town everyone knows everyone and everyone's business. Our life together was no exception. While working at the restaurant I met a retired school teacher who was a well-liked and well-respected member of the community. I began speaking to this man on a regular basis as he was a regular customer. As I got to know him a little more I began to confide in him because I looked at him as a grandfather figure. That was a huge mistake because this led me to trust him.
I had decided to move out of the town as my relationship had ended and I felt it was time to move on. The teacher invited me to supper on May 8th 1996. He said there was a young man he wanted me to met because he felt we would "make a good couple". He also wanted the supper to be a "farewell and good luck" event. I arrived around 6pm and he was the only one there. He said the young man had to work late and would be joining us later in the evening after supper for a drink. He then gave me a scotch to try that he enjoyed and also poured me a rye and coke. We sat and talked for awhile and then he served dinner. We were drinking white wine with the dinner and that is when things started to go wrong. I am not sure how much wine I drank because he just kept filling up my glass. I was drunk by the end of dinner. He poured me another rye and coke and looking back now I could never see him pouring the drinks.
I think I fell asleep on the floor, and I remember waking up in bedroom with no jeans on. My underwear were on and I could see him crouched over me and holding one of my legs up. I told him to stop what he was doing but he said no, just a little more. I must have passed out again because the next time I awoke he was laying beside me and was holding my hand around his penis making me masturbate him. I was so drunk I had no strength to pull away or even walk for that matter. I guess I passed out again.
The next time I woke up my head felt clearer and I asked where my jeans were. He passed them to me from the side of the bed where he was laying. All I wanted to do was leave and all the time I was trying to get out of that horrible place he kept asking if we would still be friends. I felt sick. I got home and stripped off my clothes and left them laying on the bathroom floor. I had to work the next morning and I got up and had a shower. I couldn't get clean no matter how much soap I used and how much hot I had the water. That feeling still haunts me and I can still feel it 2 years later.
I went to work and he came in. He walked up to me and laughing said, "Oh, I didn't think you'd come back!" I was horrified. I was still in shock and I didn't really believe what was happening. That was the last shift I ever worked there. I was assaulted on a Friday night and I never told anyone until Sunday. I couldn't stop crying and eventually had to tell my mother. She is the most fantastic person in the world and she helped me to survive and grow strong again. For months I didn't sleep, I had nightmares, I was convinced he was going to come back and get me. Everytime the door slammed I jumped three feet in the air which usually scared my mother half to death. I couldn't look at myself in the mirror for a really long time. I didn't do my hair, I stopped wearing makeup and started dressing the huge baggy clothes.
I felt so angry I used to go out in the back garden and just kick the side of the house. My father finally convinced me to go to the police and report the assault three weeks after it had happened. They video-taped my statement and I later found out that the teacher got to watch it. (They told me he would never see it.) It took a year to go to court and when we finally did he was convicted and received nine months community service, two years probation and was not allowed to drink or carry firearms (he said he feared for his life because my father has threatened him.) They appealed the case and his conviction was overturned. This happened a couple of weeks ago. I sat at my desk at work and broke down in tears when I hung up the phone from the crown attorney's office.
I put my family through hell and for what? Now he goes around that small town and tells everyone what a whore and slut I am and how I do this kind of thing all the time. I left that town 2 years ago and have only been back to go to court. I live 8 hours away from there now.
The reason his conviction was overturned was that the second judge believed that for him to commit such an act was just not normal behaviour for him so therefore he could not have done such a thing!!! Sick.
Now I go on and I have never written this down and shown it to anyone but today your website helped me to know that I am not suffering alone and my feelings can be understood by other women who have endured the same humiliation.
Thank You.
Last updated 11th October 1998